This post comes to us from Tim Challies who has graciously allowed me to bring you this new series here. Tim’s blog at www.challies.com is one of the most challenging and insightful you will find. I subscribe to Tim’s RSS feed and encourage you to check it out.

The godly husband is to lead his family. You are to lead your family. Though some may assume that this is a kind of leadership that depends on fear and dominance, the Bible teaches something very different. When speaking of male headship, the Bible gives us the ultimate example of ultimate leadership. “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Ephesians 5:23). The husband is to be head of his wife in the same way that Christ is head of his church. And what kind of headship did Christ offer the church? Was it harsh or loving? Was it domineering or gentle? Was it proud or humble? Christ loved the church so much that he never did anything harsh to her, he never did anything unfitting, he never did anything angry or unjust. He loved the church so much that he counted it as more precious than his own life. He gave up his own life so that she might live. This, Christ himself, is the model for you as a godly husband. If you wish to lead your family in a way that is faithful to Scripture, you will study the way Christ loved the church and you will seek to imitate your Savior.

In this article I want to point out four ways in which you are called to lead: in leadership, in worship, as a father and as a husband. I will focus most attention on the final one of these.

Lead in Leadership
There are different areas or levels of leadership within the family structure. The wife leads areas of the family and older children may assume leadership in some areas. In a household that includes in-laws or non-family members there may be more levels of leadership even than that. But as husband you are the leader of leaders. You are responsible for overall direction, vision, leadership of the family. The buck stops with you. We see this, for example, in 1 Timothy 3:12 where we find among the qualifications for a deacon that he must manage his children and his household well. He manages well by leading well.

This is more a responsibility than it is a privilege (see Matthew 20:26-28). This is an opportunity for you to serve your family through godly, servant leadership and not an opportunity for you to lord it over your family as a ruthless tyrant. As the leader of the leaders you ensure that others are leading as they should, that they are leading only in the areas they should. You will find humble and dignified ways of ensuring that others are leading well and that they are doing what they should as they should.

Lead in Worship
The godly husband leads his family in worship. He ensures that the family members are worshiping and that they are worshiping in a way that is consistent with Scripture.

You need to lead in corporate worship. You need to take the lead in corporate worship, not only in ensuring that your family attends church but also in the choice of church. We experienced this in our own lives where Aileen and I, many years ago now, disagreed quite adamantly in whether to remain at the church we were currently attending or whether to attend a different one. Eventually I had to ask her to just trust me and to allow me to lead. She did so and I think God blessed us not just in my decision and in the fact that I was willing to make it, unpopular though it was, but also in the fact that Aileen was willing to trust me in this and to submit herself to my leadership. As it happens, time has shown the decision to be a wise one and God has blessed us richly. You need to lead your family in choosing a church, in attending that church and in worshiping at that church.

You need to lead in family worship. Corporate worship, while absolutely essential to the Christian faith, is not all the worship that is required for us to have a healthy faith. Christians have long emphasized the importance of regular (usually daily) family worship. This is a good practice to begin as soon as you get married. If you have not yet begun this practice, do so today! Family worship does not need to be long or intricate but should consist at least of the reading of Scripture and prayer. This is an ideal opportunity for a man to spend time reading the Bible to his family and to ensure that they understand and apply that Word. It is a great time to spend in prayer, teaching your children to pray, and praying together for common concerns.

Tip: Do not become overly reliant on children’s Bibles. Read to your family at meal times from the “grown-up Bible” (as my son used to call it). When the children are young, focus on reading narrative and, as they grow older, move into doctrine and wisdom literature. Read to emphasize comprehension, pausing to ask questions and test their understanding. When praying, pray your way through the church directory or through lists of extended family members. If you are a musical family (or perhaps even if you are not) sing together. Consider memorizing Scripture together. Make this meaningful time that is deliberately spent. Begin this while you are newly married and make it a habit you maintain.

You need to lead in personal worship. The godly husband knows the value of personal devotions. You must be committed to spending time one-on-one with God through the reading of the Word and prayer. If you are to be a godly leader in your home, you need to take the lead in this! I have many memories of my father sitting in his favorite chair with a Bible open on his lap, his eyes closed in prayer. I knew from a young age that he prioritized personal worship; I never had any doubts that this was an important part of his life and that I had to imitate him in this way.

A godly husband will do more than ensure he is spending his own time in the Word and in prayer. He will also seek to ensure that his wife is doing the same. This may mean helping her find the time, perhaps by giving her a few minutes in the evening while he bathes the kids or while he reads a story to them.

He will also help his children understand the need for reading and prayer and will take the lead in helping them begin to read the Word and pray. He may not be involved with this day-to-day but he will still be following-up with his children to ensure they have been learning from the Word and that they have been praying. He will speak with them about what they have been reading, helping them understand and apply it.

Tip: Ask your wife if she has time in her day to read the Bible and pray. If she does not, help her to find the time. Ask her what works well for her and do what you can to free her up from other responsibilities during those times.

Lead As a Father
The husband is the one who is ultimately responsible for his children. Too many men have abdicated this responsibility, assuming that the mother is the one who is primarily responsible for raising the kids. But no, it is you, the father, who must lead your children. It is not without importance that the Bible’s admonitions to raise godly children are directed not at wives but at husbands. Similarly, until recent times the majority of books on parenting were targeted not at mothers but at fathers. In the past people have understood what today we tend to ignore. Dad is primarily responsible for raising the children.

Of course this does not excuse mothers from being involved in raising their children. It does not in any way mean that mothers will be uninvolved in raising the children. Instead it simply shows that it is ultimately you who bear responsibility before God to ensure that children are raised in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). You must take the lead and bear the responsibility in teaching and training your children. In many cases you will delegate this to others—mothers, teachers, Sunday school teachers, and so on. But you are the one who leads and who is most answerable to God.

Lead as a Husband
The reality of male headship means that a husband is responsible for his wife’s well-being in a way she is not responsible for his. It falls upon you, for example, to take initiative in ensuring that your wife has sufficient opportunity to spend time in Scripture and prayer. It falls upon you to ensure that you live peaceably with your wife so that your prayers (not her prayers) may not be hindered by any discord between you (see 1 Peter 3:7). As leader, you bear the greater responsibility and the greater burden. Here are some specific ways you must lead your wife:

Lead with Love. The leadership of the godly husband is marked by love (Ephesians 5:25). Your wife, aware as she is of your sin, should never have reason to doubt that you love her, that you love your children, that you are committed to serving your bride in this unique role. You must be willing to forsake your own desires, your own comfort, your own rights in order to express love for your wife. Your leadership must be marked with the kind of love that marked Christ’s love for his church. That same love, that same desire for God’s glory, flows from Christ to the husband and into the family.

Lead with Gentleness. The godly husband leads his wife with meekness and gentleness. You need to be aware of your own sin and your own failings. You need to lead your wife gently, aware of her own struggles and weaknesses. Heed the word of God which says, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).

Lead with Dignity. The godly husband does not mock or belittle his wife. You must not lead her through scorn or sarcasm or anger or punishment. Lead your wife with special delight and dignity, leading her differently than you would lead a child or an employee. Lead her with an awareness that you are a servant first, a leader second. Do nothing to puff yourself up with pride but everything to show your wife that you esteem her higher than yourself.

Lead with Confidence. This is a particular challenge today, of course, at a time when culture has conditioned us to thinking that men have no business being leaders over their wives. But the godly husband listens to Scripture above the world and leads his wife, confident that God calls him to do just this. Lead your wife with a humble confidence, even when you are called upon to make difficult or unpopular decisions. Lead with confidence that God is willing and able to bless you for your obedience.

So a husband is to lead with love, gentleness, dignity and confidence. Here now are some practical ways in which you are to lead and oversee your wife:

Oversee her ministry. 1 Peter 4:10 says, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.” As a husband concerned both for your wife and for the church, you will see that she is serving according to her gifts and that she is giving of her time to each of her areas of ministry, whether in the home or outside of it. You will see that she does not overextend herself or minister at the expense of her family. And you will encourage her as she discovers and exercises her spiritual gifts.

Oversee her relationships. Titus 2:3-5 has stern admonitions toward what seems to be a particular temptation to women. It teaches women how to use their abilities to encourage rather than discourage. As husband you will ensure that she knows the roles God has called her to primarily. You will help guard her against sinful relationships and help her balance and prioritize her many responsibilities. You will encourage her to develop relationships with women who she can befriend, mentor or be mentored by.

Oversee her decision-making. Colossians 1:9-10 provides a wonderful example of how to pray for wisdom and understanding on behalf of another person. As a godly husband you will pray for your wife, that she will make decisions that honor God. You will encourage her toward big and noble goals and you will help ensure that she is making decisions based on the best priorities.

Conclusion
You have heard it said, I’m sure, that nature abhors a vacuum. This is absolutely true when it comes to leadership. If you do not lead your family, someone else will; someone else will have to. But God has called you to lead, to lead with great joy and delight, to lead though it may be costly, and to lead with love. Lead your wife, lead your family, and do it all for the glory of God.

This series will continue tomorrow as we look at “A Godly Man Protects.”

This post comes to us from Tim Challies who has graciously allowed me to bring you this new series here. Tim’s blog at www.challies.com is one of the most challenging and insightful you will find. I subscribe to Tim’s RSS feed and encourage you to check it out.

Yesterday I began a series dealing with leadership in the home. Today I want to continue the series by providing a brief (and undoubtedly inadequate) defense of male headship.

Few Christian beliefs are less popular than that of male headship. As Christians we believe that God has called husbands to lead and wives to submit. This is an audacious claim in a society like ours that so values autonomy and independence. There may have been a time when such an idea came more naturally to people—a time when hierarchy and inequality in role were assumed. In that kind of social situation submission may have seemed more natural. But today, when we acknowledge that all men (and women) are created equal and when there are few things we value higher than a kind of absolute equality, submission seems like a relic of the ancient past. Leadership we like, submission we hate. Even Christians shy away from it.

And yet perhaps submission is not quite so foreign. The Bible is clear that submission is a duty we all share. If we look closely we find that society believes this as well and that it is necessary for any well-ordered society. After all, students are to obey their teachers; employees are to submit to the commands of their employers; soldiers receive orders from their superiors; all of us obey the police officer who stands in the middle of the busy intersection and holds up his hand in the “stop” position. We are accustomed to submitting to authority outside the home, but react with shock that such authority could exist within the home, between a husband and wife. We accept inequality in role in some contexts but not others.

IT IS NOT A PUNISHMENT
Before we proceed with this series about the godly leader, we would do well to pause and to consider what the Bible says about male headship. There is much we could say, as evidenced by the vast quantity of very thick books dealing with the topic (most of which are written by Wayne Grudem or John Piper or Wayne Grudemand John Piper). I could, literally, write an entire series on this one point. But I am going to pursue it from only one angle. I will seek to show that the kind of headship prescribed by the Bible is inherent in God’s created order. In other words, the fact that husbands are to lead and wives are to submit to their husbands (not to all men—only to their husbands) is not merely the product of the fall of the human race into sin, but is a product of God’s creation. Even if sin had never entered the world, a husband would be expected to lead his wife and a wife would still be expected to submit to her husband. The headship of the husband is not rooted in a punishment, and perhaps even an unfair punishment in which woman was given the harsher penalty of having to submit. Instead, it is rooted in the very purpose and creation of mankind.

Strange though it may seem, submission is a good and beautiful and godly thing. The most perfect relationship in the world, the relationship between Father, Son and Holy Spirit, displays a perfect example of submission. The Son submits Himself to the Father. They are, to echo the Shorter Catechism, “the same in substance, equal in power and glory.” Yet the Father demonstrates headship. We speak of Jesus’ mission to the earth in two ways. We speak of Jesus being sent by the Father. And this is true. From eternity it was decided by the Father that man would have to be ransomed by a perfect substitute. The Father tasked the Son with this responsibility. But we also speak of the Son willingly giving up his life. This is equally true. The Son’s perfect submission to the Father’s will meant that a command of the Father was indistinguishable from a decision of the Son. Christ was perfectly willing to submit to His Father’s will. This relationship within the Trinity provides us many clues as to the nature of the relationship between husband and wife.

All of this to say that submission and headship are not bad things. They have existed eternally and have existed in the most perfect relationship. How can we then dare to say that they are somehow rooted in sin? If we understand this, we have a solid foundation for understanding how and why a husband must lead.

IT IS GOOD
Here are ten proofs that headship and submission precede man’s fall into sin. Thus they are ten proofs that headship and submission are aspects of God’s natural order and not a consequence or necessary reaction to sin. (These follow the structure aptly outlined by Wayne Grudem in his thorough study on the subject, Evangelical Feminism and Biblical Truth).

The order of creation: Adam was created before Eve. This may seem to be weak grounds for an argument yet it was significant enough for Paul to mention in 1 Timothy 2:12-13 where he does not “permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man…For Adam was formed first, then Eve.” Inherent in the order of creation, where Adam was formed before Eve, is the foundation for the order of human relationships.

The representation of the human race: It was Adam who had a special role in representing the human race. Though Eve was the first to be tempted to sin, it was Adam who was considered most responsible for their combined disobedience. In Corinthians we read that, “as in Adam all men die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive” (1 Corinthians 15:22). Christ is the second Adam, not the second Eve as we might expect if the Bible held Adam and Eve as being equal in representation and headship.

The naming of woman: Adam was given the honor and responsibility of naming his wife. “She shall be called woman,” he said, “because she was taken out of man” (Genesis 2:23). Within the Scriptures we see that the person who names something is always the one who has authority over it. This parallels the account of creation where God named the night and the day, the expanse, the earth and the waters. By naming them he showed his authority. And in naming Eve, Adam proved his headship.

The naming of the human race: The human race is named after Adam, not Eve. Neither is it named after both Adam and Eve. God named the human race “man.” “When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. Male and female he created them, and he blessed them and named them Man when they were created” (Genesis 5:1-2). While in and of itself this does not provide a cut-and-dry case, it points again to the headship and leadership of the man in the created order.

The primary accountability: God held Adam primarily accountable for the Fall. While Adam and Eve hid from God, God called “to the man and said to him, ‘Where are you?’” (Genesis 3:9). God did not call to both Adam and Eve, but called to Adam alone. Dr. Grudem draws an analogy of a parent who, upon entering a room where several children have been misbehaving, will summon the oldest and demand answers. It is the oldest who bears greatest responsibility. In the same way God summoned Adam and demanded an account of both his sin and that of his wife. Notice that Satan reversed this order, approaching Eve before Adam in an obvious (and successful) attempt to disrupt the God-given pattern.

The purpose of women: Eve was created as a helper for Adam, not Adam as a helper for Eve. While feminists have made much of the term “helper,” the fact remains that in any given situation, the person doing the helping necessarily places himself in a subordinate role to the person who needs help (like a secretary to her boss or a Vice President to a President). Yet helping does not remove accountability. While I may help my son with a paper route, the ultimate responsibility is still his. Eve’s role, from the beginning of creation, was to be a helper for Adam. This does not by any means indicate an inferiority, but a helper who was Adam’s equal in worth and dignity. She differed in ways that would complement Adam.

The conflict: A dire consequence of the Fall is the conflict it has introduced into the relationships of husbands and wives. In Genesis 3:16 God tells Eve, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” This desire is to interfere with or distort the role of her husband. The roles God gave to the husband and wife have been distorted through the Fall. Eve would now rebel against the God-given authority of her husband and he would abuse the authority to rule poorly, forcefully, and even harshly.

The restoration: When creation is restored through the work of Christ we do not find an undoing of the marriage order. Were submission a consequence of the Fall we would expect Christ to “make all things new” in this area. Instead we find that Christ provides power to overcome the sinful impulses of a wife against her husband and the husband’s response of ruling harshly over her. But Christ does not remove the order of a husband being in authority over his wife.

The mystery: When the Apostle Paul wrote of a “mystery” he was describing something that was understood only faintly in the Old Testament but became clear in the New. In Ephesians 5:31-32 Paul shows that the ultimate purpose in marriage is to mirror the relationship between Christ and the church. “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Dr. Grudem says, “Although Adam and Eve did not know it, their relationship represented the relationship between Christ and the church. They were created to represent that relationship, and that is what all marriages are supposed to do. In that relationship, Adam represents Christ and Eve represents the church…”

The parallel with the Trinity: The triune nature of God provides the perfect example of submission. “The equality, differences, and unity between men and women reflects the equality, differences and unity of the Trinity.” We are blessed and honored to be able to represent that relationship in our marriages.

The ultimate reason a husband is to exercise headship over his wife may not have been clear to Adam and Eve. It was not clear to God’s people until after the writing of the New Testament. The ultimate reason the husband is to be head is that the marriage relationship is to mirror that of Christ and his church. Just as Christ is head of the church and we submit to him, in the same way man is the head of the family and the wife should submit to him. A husband is to lead in the same was as Christ: lovingly, tenderly and always seeking the greatest good for his wife. A wife is to mirror her relationship with Christ in her relationship with her husband. She is to trust him, be loyal to him and help him. This can only be done in a relationship of humble, loving, godly submission.

When men lovingly lead their wives and when women respond in joyful submission, we see a beautiful echo of the relationship of the Father to the Son and we model the love of the Son for his bride. Headship and submission may be unpopular and counter-cultural, but we can have confidence that they have been ordained before the foundations of the world and that they have been ordained for our good and so we can bring glory to our Creator. They have existed for all of eternity and will endure through all ages. Headship, leadership in the home, is both a privilege and a responsibility.

*****

Tomorrow this series will continue with a discussion of how a man is to lead in the home. In the meantime, if you have questions, comments or concerns that don’t make sense to post here in the comments section, feel free to email me.

This post comes to us from Tim Challies who has graciously allowed me to bring you this new series here. Tim’s blog at www.challies.com is one of the most challenging and insightful you will find. I subscribe to Tim’s RSS feed and encourage you to check it out.

This is a series about leadership in the home. It is geared specifically to men and I hope it will be of some use to guys of any age though perhaps it will be most at home in the hands of young men—those who are newly married or those who are to be married in the near future. I hope it is also the kind of series that a wife can pass to her husband and say, “Honey! Read this and tell me what you think of it…” When the series is complete I will put it together into a PDF file to make it easier to share in that way.

This series of articles really grew out of a previous series I wrote, one that dealt with the effects of pornography. After I wrote that series I received email after email from women whose husbands had fallen into sexual sin. So often these women lamented not only the pain of finding out that their husbands were involved in sexual sin but also the fact that these men were showing terrible, sometimes non-existent, leadership in the home. Many of these wives longed for their husbands to fulfill their God-given role as men, as husbands, as leaders of their homes. To be frank, there are a lot of Christian men who have no conception of their God-given role as leaders.

A husband’s unique role consists of three tasks: leadership, protection and provision. In fact, these may be the only unique abilities a man brings to the marriage relationship (beyond the obvious biological role). If he abdicates on any of these things, either allowing them to disappear altogether or forcing his wife to take over, he is less of a man for it. And she has less of a husband.

Most Christian men believe that they are expected to be leaders within the home. I would argue that most men, Christian or not, believe this in their heart of hearts. But few husbands know what it really means to be this kind of a leader. Few know what it means to be a godly husband. In the second article of this series, I want to prove to you that God has called husbands to lead.

A man is to lead in his home and family. He is to be the leader, the head. Of course this is not a headship that brings with it power and prestige and might, but a headship that brings with it love and care and sacrifice. This is the leadership exemplified by Jesus Christ who, as Lord of all the universe, became a servant and suffered for the sake of those he loved. This will be the topic of our third article.

The husband is to protect his family. This goes beyond physical protection, though this is an aspect of his role, but extends also to emotional protection, spiritual protection, sexual protection. He is to protect his family from any of the ways in which Satan would seek to corrupt and harm. This will be the topic of our fourth article.

And finally, the husband is to provide. He is to be ultimately responsible for ensuring that his family’s physical and financial needs are being met, but he is to do more than this. He is to provide for them financially, physical, spiritually and more. This will be the subject of the final article.

THE CHARACTER OF THE GODLY HUSBAND
I want to dedicate the rest of this introduction to looking at a few of the necessary character traits of a godly leader in the home. These are traits you must cultivate if you want to successfully lead your wife and children.

Humility. This is probably an obvious one—a good leader is a humble leader, one who has an awareness of his own sins and weaknesses and one who knows who and what he is before God. But here is something you may not expect. I want to share a quick and humbling fact: If you are a young husband (and maybe even if you have been married for a long time), you are probably an awful leader. You’re probably really, really bad at it—so bad that I feel sorry for your wife and so bad that you would, too, if you could step outside yourself for a moment. The task of leadership does not come easily or naturally and neither does good leadership. Despite this, I want to encourage you to press on. You need to lead anyway, but you need to do it with great humility, not just knowing your own propensity to sin but also knowing that you are untested and unskilled as a leader. You will learn to lead well as you lead, if you lead humbly.

Confidence. You need to have confidence that God really has called you to lead your family. This can be hard to believe in a culture like ours that screams sexism! as soon as it hears a man claim that he leads his wife. You will need to study Scripture to give yourself a firm foundation to understand that God has called you to lead and you will need to study Scripture to help you know how to be that kind of leader. You will lead well only if you are confident that God stands behind you, affirming you in your leadership. Your leadership is not your own, but has been delegated to you by the One who created you, who created your wife, and who brought you together. Lead, then, with a humble confidence.

Godliness. You will need to be a godly man if you are to lead your family well. Like leadership, godliness does not come naturally and it does not come easily. It is, to borrow an excellent description, a long obedience in the same direction. It does not come without wars, without battles, without scars. It certainly does not come without persistence and dedication. Lead your family with a humble, confident godliness.

Love. If you are to be a godly husband, you need to have love for your wife—a love that is far greater than the love you have for yourself. Sound easy? It isn’t! We naturally love ourselves so much more than the one we claim to love the most. You will need to have a great love for your wife and children and a greater love still for God. You must be willing to count yourself last. You must be willing to die for your wife but, harder still, to live for her. You need to be willing and equipped to lead your wife with a humble, confident, godly love.

How do you do that? Read on…

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(We will keep posting Tim’s series here in coming days)

Thanks to my brother Nigel, who drove 11hrs up from Sydney on Friday, then did a full day 5:30am till 11pm on Saturday to see our kitchen installed, then drove back to Sydney on Sunday. Nigel’s, ‘Kitchen Sensei Master’ Dennis was also on the job arriving Saturday morning and flying home Sunday morning.

Dennis was the ‘guiding light’ making sure we didn’t put the drawers in upside down and stuff like that. Man, both of these guys worked hard. They made me realise there are more muscles in the body than the ones user to drive a keyboard or direct a wireless mouse.

There are more pictures and videos at the picasaweb site and we’re sure you will get an idea after checking them out.

Oh, and BTW – we will have the new kitchen sink installed later this week. We’re looking forward to doing the dishes soon

It was amazing to see what has happened in just ONE day.

Feel free to take a walk through the house. Sorry we haven’t tidied up before you came